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Siskel and Ebert’s ‘Dogs of the Week’: Count Dracula and His Vampire Bride (1978)

Dogs of the Week

In the early days, Siskel and Ebert use to feature a segment called ‘Dogs of the Week’, in which they spotlighted the week’s worst movies.  The purpose was to keep you from  spending your hard-earned money on some piece of garbage tossed out by fast-buck movie execs.  Well . . . it didn’t work because I’m reviewing all of them.  So, here we go.

Saturday Fright Special: Count Dracula and His Vampire Bride

by Jerry Dean Roberts


Who reviewed it: Roger
Was he right? He was more enthusiastic than I was
Body Count: 6 (including Alucard himself)


Sitting down to watch Count Dracula and his Vampire Bride the other night, I got a sense of déjà vu.  I sensed that I had seen this movie before.  I waved it off, after all the late Christopher Lee played Count Dracula many times.  But something was nagging at me.

Yes!, I finally said.  I HAVE seen this movie before on a UHF station when I was a kid under the title The Satanic Rites of Dracula.  In doing research for this review, I now find that it has been released under the title: Dracula and His Brides, The Brides of Dracula, The Rites of Dracula, and Dracula is Alive and Well and Living in London.  There was even one VHS distributor that called it Disco Dracula and tacked on an ersatz disco score, I suppose to confuse it with the much better Frank Langela movie.  Not that you would want to.

The story is beside the point but here goes: The movie is a sequel to Dracula 1972, and picks up with some strange goings on involving disappearing girls, some of whom are important because they are the personal assistants to some important people.  Their investigation turns up information that London’s elite are pouring their fortunes into a foundation headed by a man who never appears in photographs.

Where the story goes is pretty obvious, but I’ll be honest, I didn’t see the ending.  Actually, I fell asleep just before the third act and woke up just in time to see ol’ Drac get his comeuppance.  Did I miss anything?  I seriously doubt it.  In the interest of completion, I read a synopsis online of the parts that I missed and I can assure you that I didn’t miss anything.  When I was asleep, I didn’t dream about it, and when I woke up, I didn’t think about it.  I’m struggling now to even remember it.

 
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Posted by on 02/02/2021 in Uncategorized

 

Siskel and Ebert’s ‘Dogs of the Week’: The Devil’s Rain (1978)

Dogs of the Week

In the early days, Siskel and Ebert use to feature a segment called ‘Dogs of the Week’, in which they spotlighted the week’s worst movies.  The purpose was to keep you from spending your hard-earned money on some piece of garbage tossed out by fast-buck movie execs.  Well . . . it didn’t work because I’m reviewing all of them.  So, here we go.

The Devil's Rain: One of the Strangest Horror Movies Of All Time ...

by Jerry Dean Roberts


Who reviewed it: Gene
Was he right?: Yes
Body Count: Too many to count (or care to count)


Let’s talk for a moment about marketing.  There’s a difference between selling and shilling and I suppose some would argue that you can’t have one without the other.  But there’s a line, and that line was definitely crossed by the producers of The Devil’s Rain.

When it comes to The Devil’s Rain, it was all about market shilling.  The studio that produced this movie pulled out all the stops to get your butt into the theater.  They pushed not only Academy Award winner Ernest Borgnine but also William Shatner and Tom Skeritt – good actors.  And if that wasn’t enough the trailer also provides the information that the movie was made with the help and cooperation of Church of Satan founder Anton LeVey (which the trailer spells “Lavay”).

Also, it should be mentioned, John Travolta.  The movie was made in 1975 before “Welcome Back Kotter” and Saturday Night Fever made him the hottest star in the country.  He’s in this movie.  It’s his feature film debut.  BUT he’s behind a mask and he is only on screen for about four seconds.  YET, there was a huge ad campaign to release this picture touting him as the star.

I’m not sure that Travolta would have even cared.  While the trailer is a goldmine of schlock, the movie is like a trip to the dentist.  It involves a group of 300 year-old Satan worshippers who are reincarnated forms of their ancestors. Back in the good bad old days, a well-meaning women betrayed the group by stealing their all-important prayer book which was signed by each member in their own blood (nobody had a pen!?)  For this, they were all burned at the stake.  Years later, Ernest Borgnine has risen again and only needs said all-important-prayer-book in order to control those under his command.

Borgnine does commit to this role, even when he disappears into great puffs of smoke and then comes back looking like a kangaroo goat.  He has a lot of great lines, of which my favorite is “I command this soul to be purified by fire and water.”  I’m thinking: which is it?  Fire or water?  You can’t have both.  Maybe its a steam bath.

The actual devil’s rain does eventually fall onto Borgnine’s followers and they all begin to melt . . . and melt and melt and melt and melt and melt.  Five or ten minutes go by and we’re still watching people melt.  For the viewer, restlessness turns to irritation.  Irritation turns to frustration.  Frustration turns to anger.  Anger leads to hate.  Hate leads to suffering, which is exactly what this movie is.  Get me the Hell outta here!


The trailer:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
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Posted by on 08/11/2020 in Uncategorized

 

31 Movies That Made Me Love Movies: #20: Dark City (1998)

It is a standard cliche but, yes, movies are a part of my life.  They’ve been part of my life for as long as I could remember.  By this point, nearly 50 years, its not a mere hobby but a lifestyle.  This month I am going to do something completely personal.  I am working my way through 31 key films that made me love this medium, and I will do my best to explain why.

Dark City (1998)by Jerry Dean Roberts


Review here

 
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Posted by on 07/13/2020 in Uncategorized

 

31 Movies That Made Me Love Movies: #21. Rebecca (1940)

It is a standard cliche but, yes, movies are a part of my life.  They’ve been part of my life for as long as I could remember.  By this point, nearly 50 years, its not a mere hobby but a lifestyle.  This month I am going to do something completely personal.  I am working my way through 31 key films that made me love this medium, and I will do my best to explain why.

The Hitchcock Haul: Rebecca (1940) | Alfred hitchcock, Hitchcock ...
by Jerry Dean Roberts


Review here

 
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Posted by on 07/12/2020 in Uncategorized

 

31 Movies That Made Me Love Movies: #22. Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1974)

It is a standard cliche but, yes, movies are a part of my life.  They’ve been part of my life for as long as I could remember.  By this point, nearly 50 years, its not a mere hobby but a lifestyle.  This month I am going to do something completely personal.  I am working my way through 31 key films that made me love this medium, and I will do my best to explain why.

Monty Python and the Holy Grail' | Rome Daily Sentinel
by Jerry Dean Roberts


Review here

 
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Posted by on 07/11/2020 in Uncategorized

 

31 Movies That Made Me Love Movies: #23. The Scent of Green Papaya (1993)

It is a standard cliche but, yes, movies are a part of my life.  They’ve been part of my life for as long as I could remember.  By this point, nearly 50 years, its not a mere hobby but a lifestyle.  This month I am going to do something completely personal.  I am working my way through 31 key films that made me love this medium, and I will do my best to explain why.

The Scent of Green Papaya - half of the holy lifehalf of the holy ...
by Jerry Dean Roberts


 

Review here

 
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Posted by on 07/10/2020 in Uncategorized

 

31 Movies That Made Me Love Movies: #23. Beauty and the Beast (1991)

It is a standard cliche but, yes, movies are a part of my life.  They’ve been part of my life for as long as I could remember.  By this point, nearly 50 years, its not a mere hobby but a lifestyle.  This month I am going to do something completely personal.  I am working my way through 31 key films that made me love this medium, and I will do my best to explain why.

Beauty and the Beast' 25th Anniversary: 20 Facts You Didn't Know
by Jerry Dean Roberts


Review here

 
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Posted by on 07/09/2020 in Uncategorized

 

31 Movies That Made Me Love Movies: #24. Do the Right Thing (1989)

It is a standard cliche but, yes, movies are a part of my life.  They’ve been part of my life for as long as I could remember.  By this point, nearly 50 years, its not a mere hobby but a lifestyle.  This month I am going to do something completely personal.  I am working my way through 31 key films that made me love this medium, and I will do my best to explain why.

Do the Right Thing" is Unapologetically Black — PHX Film Collective
by Jerry Dean Roberts


Review here

 
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Posted by on 07/08/2020 in Uncategorized

 

31 Movies That Made Me Love Movies: #25. Safety Last (1921)

It is a standard cliche but, yes, movies are a part of my life.  They’ve been part of my life for as long as I could remember.  By this point, nearly 50 years, its not a mere hobby but a lifestyle.  This month I am going to do something completely personal.  I am working my way through 31 key films that made me love this medium, and I will do my best to explain why.

New DVDs: 'Safety Last!,' 'Accidentally Preserved' - The New York ...
by Jerry Dean Roberts


Review here

 
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Posted by on 07/07/2020 in Uncategorized

 

31 Movies That Made Me Love Movies: #26. Crimes and Misdemeanors (1989)

It is a standard cliche but, yes, movies are a part of my life.  They’ve been part of my life for as long as I could remember.  By this point, nearly 50 years, its not a mere hobby but a lifestyle.  This month I am going to do something completely personal.  I am working my way through 31 key films that made me love this medium, and I will do my best to explain why.

Woody Wednesday” Comments on and pictures from the movie “Crimes ...
by Jerry Dean Roberts


Review here

 
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Posted by on 07/06/2020 in Uncategorized